Ah, love is in air but not for all. If you find yourself to be among millions who are stuck in a cycle of Bad Valentine’s Days, I have something just for you. Love doesn’t have to hurt you know. Next year, you can avoid the pain of watching the rest of world enjoy what you deserve…the fancy dinners, playing footsy under the table, sipping expensive wine and making love all Valentine’s Day night and again in the morning.
Well, this year is your year but we must make some major changes and get unstuck from the past that has kept you away from the love you desire and deserve. Who says you can’t have it all and put an end to being disappointed on the biggest love day of the year? Shall we begin?
You are who you attract. Hence, if you don’t love yourself fully you run the high risk of attracting mates who don’t fully love you either. Ouch! However, don’t blame yourself because you could be suffering from unresolved pain of the past. As weird as it may sound, you could be attracting unhealthy mates because you desperately need to fix past pain- times where you were deprived of love you rightly deserved. In reality, you’re not looking for new healthy love; you’re stuck trying to fix bad love of the past.
Get out of the cycle! Stop picking mates who match the qualities of the parents and/or past lovers who failed to love you properly. In psychology, this is called “attraction to deprivation”- where you pick out mates who closely match the characteristics of person/s who deprived you of love in the first place. The logic is to pick familiar “matches” so you can redo the scenario and finally get the love you deserve…fix the past. However, this type of logic is flawed and ensures that you consistently pick mates who are MOST likely to reject, abuse, control, under-appreciate and abandon you again. You’re stuck and now failing at love has become a self-fulfilling prophecy with you as the primary culprit.
It’s okay. It happens to the best but we do have some work to do. We only have 365 more days until the next Valentine’s Day. Remember…the one where you are supposed to dine at a fancy restaurant, sip expensive wine, enjoy the fragrance of twenty four long-stem roses (double up from the ones you didn’t get this year) that were perfectly arranged in your honor and dip fruit in hot chocolate and lick it off one another? Whew, I just got excited.
I’ll be right back….
Okay, I’m back…you have to try dipping passion fruit in chocolate for yourself! Sorry, that was selfish…back to getting you unstuck. Follow these three life-changing steps and get on the road to enjoying healthy love for next Valentine’s Day.
1) GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
Before you can change, you must first give yourself permission to change. So, give yourself the right to have a passion-filled year of love that results in an amazing Valentine’s Day celebration next year. YOU define your future, not those past flawed lovers or unloving parents of the past. Forgive them (they were likely victims themselves), turn the page and begin writing the good part of your autobiography entitled, “GREAT LOVE.”
2) MAKE YOURSELF AWARE
Awareness is the second phase of change. If you are conscious of making good decisions while seeking relationships, you can avoid being trapped by bad ones later. Write out the qualities of the person/s who hurt you and how it made you feel next to each. This will make you aware of your blind spots of attractions to deprivation, and help you avoid and reject unhealthy mates in the future.
Just FYI, this is similar to the strategy for beating food addiction where you take pictures of the food you are about to consume to become keenly aware that you are about to pig out before the damage is done.
3) ATTRACT WHAT YOU DESIRE
Now that you have identified the type of love you don’t want, it’s time to be intentional about attracting the healthy kind you desire. Create your ideal mate by writing out the specific qualities that you need them to possess in order to feel comfortable and safe expressing your gifts from part one. Be as specific as possible to develop a crystal clear picture of the love your heart covets and needs to be healed so you can finally enjoy Valentine’s Day.
Now, all that’s left is for you to do is begin shopping for that fancy red dress for next year because soon, you’ll be flooded with love requests from healthy mates who are searching the world over for someone just like you to spoil on Valentines Day, forever!
God Bless!









