10 Red Flags You're A High Maintenance vs. High Functioning Woman: A Dating Self-Check

10 Red Flags You’re a High-Maintenance Woman Without Realizing It

We’ve all heard the term "high-maintenance" thrown around in conversations about relationships. But what does it really mean to be high-maintenance, and could you be displaying these traits without even realizing it? Understanding whether you might be embodying these habits can open the door to self-awareness and personal growth. This blog will explore 10 red flags that could indicate you're a high-maintenance woman—and offer tips on how to shift toward being more high-functioning and balanced in your relationships.

1. Self-Sufficiency vs. Dependency

One of the biggest indicators of being high-maintenance is an over-reliance on others to handle your problems or fulfill your needs, whether they’re emotional, financial, or personal. While it’s healthy to lean on others from time to time, consistently expecting your partner or friends to take care of everything is a red flag.

How to Shift: Focus on building self-sufficiency. Take pride in solving your own problems and making decisions without needing validation or assistance at every step.

Scripture: “She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” – Proverbs 31:16

2. Emotional Volatility vs. Emotional Stability

Are you prone to emotional outbursts or mood swings? High-maintenance women often expect others to manage their emotions for them, creating unnecessary drama and stress in relationships.

How to Shift: Practice emotional regulation by identifying your triggers and learning to respond calmly, even when faced with challenges. This will improve your relationships and give you more control over your emotional well-being.

Scripture: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

3. Entitlement vs. Gratitude

Do you feel like you deserve more from your partner or others without giving the same in return? Entitlement can manifest as expecting special treatment or constant attention, leading to tension in relationships.

How to Shift: Start practicing gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you lack, be thankful for what you have, and show appreciation for the efforts of those around you. Gratitude strengthens relationships and fosters positivity.

Scripture: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

4. Perfectionism vs. Growth-Oriented Mindset

Do you demand perfection in yourself and others? High-maintenance women often set unrealistic expectations, which can lead to disappointment and frustration when those expectations aren’t met.

How to Shift: Adopt a growth-oriented mindset. Focus on progress, not perfection. Understand that mistakes and imperfections are part of growth, and learning from them can bring more joy to life.

Scripture: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” – Philippians 3:12

5. Materialism vs. Contentment

Is your happiness tied to material possessions? If you constantly crave more—whether it’s clothes, jewelry, or status symbols—you may be high-maintenance without realizing it.

How to Shift: Learn to be content with what you have. Recognize that true joy comes from meaningful connections and experiences, not from accumulating things. Contentment is key to lasting happiness.

Scripture: “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.” – Hebrews 13:5

6. Manipulative Communication vs. Honest Communication

Do you rely on manipulative tactics—such as guilt trips or the silent treatment—to get what you want? Manipulative communication can erode trust and respect in relationships, creating a toxic dynamic.

How to Shift: Communicate openly and honestly. Express your needs clearly and directly, and avoid manipulative behaviors. Healthy communication builds strong, trusting relationships.

Scripture: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6

7. Demanding Nature vs. Supportive Nature

Are you frequently demanding of your partner’s time, attention, and resources? High-maintenance women often expect their partner to cater to their every need without offering the same level of support in return.

How to Shift: Focus on being more supportive in your relationships. Be there for your partner as much as you expect them to be there for you. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support and understanding.

Scripture: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

8. Insecurity vs. Confidence

Do you constantly seek validation from others? Insecurity often leads to high-maintenance behavior, where you rely on external approval to feel good about yourself.

How to Shift: Build confidence in your own worth. Remember that your value is not determined by others’ opinions, but by who you are. Self-assuredness will help you maintain healthier relationships.

Scripture: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

9. Blame-Shifting vs. Problem-Solving

When things go wrong, do you often blame others? High-maintenance women may avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead place the blame on their partner or circumstances.

How to Shift: Take responsibility for your part in conflicts and work toward solving problems together. Problem-solving fosters teamwork and strengthens your relationship.

Scripture: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

10. Self-Centeredness vs. Empathy

Do you often prioritize your own needs over others’? High-maintenance women tend to focus on what they want, neglecting the feelings and concerns of their partner or friends.

How to Shift: Practice empathy. Understanding and caring for others’ emotions is essential for deep, lasting relationships. Empathy creates connection and builds trust.

Scripture: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” – Luke 6:31

If any of these red flags resonate with you, don’t worry—you’re not alone. The key to personal growth is self-awareness, and recognizing these traits is the first step toward making positive changes. By focusing on becoming more high-functioning, you can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships based on mutual support, gratitude, and understanding. Remember, with the help of biblical principles and personal reflection, you can shift your mindset and thrive in both life and love.

God Bless,

Dr. Tartt