Stop Falling for the Representative! How to Date with Intention

Date Smarter: Why You Should Interview Your Date Like a Job Candidate!

Imagine this: You’re the CEO of a thriving company—your life. Every decision you make, from friendships to finances, impacts the success of your business. Now, would you hire an employee just because they seemed nice in an interview, or would you thoroughly vet them to make sure they’re the right fit for the role? Exactly.

So why do so many people hand over their hearts without doing the same level of due diligence in dating?

The Representative vs. The Real Person

Let’s be real—most people don’t show up as their authentic selves in the beginning stages of dating. They present a polished, well-rehearsed version of themselves, a “representative,” if you will. You know, the one who opens doors, laughs at all your jokes, and texts “good morning” before you even open your eyes. But what happens when that representative clocks out and the real person shows up?

Enter the Dating Interview Process.

If companies use interviews to avoid hiring the wrong employee, why wouldn’t you do the same to avoid heartbreak? The goal is to assess fit, alignment, and overall relationship potential before investing months—or even years—only to realize they weren’t a match.

Step 1: Be Clear About What You Want

Think about your ideal job—before applying, you probably check the job description to make sure it aligns with your skills and goals. Dating should be no different.

Before you go on another date, get crystal clear on what you want in a partner. Are you looking for marriage? Companionship? A business-minded partner who can build an empire with you? If you don’t state your expectations upfront, you leave room for assumptions—and assumptions lead to disappointment.

How to Apply This:

Example Conversation:

You: “I’m dating with the intention of building a strong, healthy relationship that leads to marriage. I value emotional intelligence, ambition, and faith. What about you?”

Them: “Uhhh… I’m just seeing where things go.”

You: “That’s fair, but I’ve found that being intentional helps avoid confusion later. Have you thought about what you truly want long-term?”

Them: “I mean, I guess eventually I want marriage, but I’m not in a rush.”

You: “Got it. When you say ‘not in a rush,’ do you have a general timeline in mind? Like, within the next few years, or is it more of a ‘when it happens, it happens’ kind of thing?”

Them: “Honestly, I haven’t thought about it that way. I just know I don’t want to feel pressured.”

You: “That makes sense. For me, having a general timeframe helps me make sure I’m building something with someone who’s on the same page. I’d rather know now if our expectations align instead of finding out a year from now that we’re in completely different places.”

Step 2: Assess Work-Life Balance and Past Relationship Patterns

One of the biggest challenges in relationships is balance. Some people prioritize career and financial success so much that they unintentionally neglect their relationships. It’s important to ask early on how your potential partner manages their time and responsibilities.

Example Conversation:

You: “Tell me about your work schedule—do you find time for personal relationships, or is work your main focus right now?”

Them: “I work a lot. I have some free time, but my career is a big priority.”

You: “I get that. Ambition is important. Have you found a way to balance work and personal life, or is that still something you’re working on?”

Them: “I try, but honestly, I haven’t really figured it out yet.”

You: “That’s fair. Can I ask—have you been in relationships before where this was an issue? If so, what did you learn from those experiences?”

Them: “Yeah, my last relationship ended partly because I was always working. I wanted to make changes, but I guess I didn’t follow through the way I should have.”

You: “I appreciate your honesty. Do you feel like you’re in a place now where you could make those adjustments, or is work still your main focus?”Them: “I’d like to, but I don’t know how realistic it is right now.”

You: “Thanks for sharing that. I think balance is key in a relationship, and for me, I need someone who can be present emotionally and physically. It’s good to know where we both stand before moving forward.”

Step 3: Date Slowly—The 90-Day Probationary Period

Most jobs have a probationary period to assess fit. Dating should work the same way. Give yourself time to observe their consistency, communication style, and whether they follow through on what they say.

Instead of diving in headfirst, take at least 90 days to evaluate the relationship before committing. Look for patterns, not just promises.

• Do they show up for you consistently?

• Are their actions aligning with their words?

• Are they making space for the relationship, or is everything on their terms?

  
  

The Takeaway

When you treat dating like a hiring process, you save yourself time, energy, and heartbreak. By asking the right questions, observing patterns, and giving yourself time to evaluate the relationship, you ensure that you’re investing in someone who truly fits what you’re looking for.

Because at the end of the day, you deserve a partner—not just a representative. Choose wisely.