Understanding Red Flags & Love Languages In Relationships- Dr. Chanda Interviews Dr. Tartt
Understanding Love Languages & Red Flags in Dating
Are You Speaking Your Partner’s Love Language or Just Your Own?
Love languages are often discussed in relationships, but there’s a deeper layer that many people overlook: the difference between how you naturally give love and how your partner actually receives it.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages—Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch—provide insight into how we express and interpret love. However, many couples struggle because they assume their partner feels loved the same way they do.
For example, you might naturally express love by giving thoughtful gifts, believing that a surprise present speaks volumes. But if your partner’s primary love language is Quality Time, they might appreciate uninterrupted conversations or shared experiences more than any gift. This mismatch can leave both partners feeling unfulfilled—even though love is being given!
How to Bridge the Love Language Gap
Identify Your Own Love Language – What’s the most natural way you show love? Is it what your partner needs?
Learn Your Partner’s Love Language – What makes them feel valued and connected?
Be Intentional About Meeting Their Needs – If your love language is Acts of Service, but your partner needs Words of Affirmation, challenge yourself to give genuine verbal encouragement.
Communicate Openly – Ask, “Do you feel loved when I do this?” It’s a simple yet powerful way to ensure your love is landing the way you intend.
At the end of the day, real love isn’t just about expressing affection your way—it’s about making sure your partner feels loved their way.
Red Flags Women Shouldn’t Ignore in Dating
Dating can be exciting, but it’s important to stay mindful of red flags that signal deeper relationship issues. One of the biggest warning signs? A man who refuses to accept influence.
What Does It Mean to "Accept Influence"?
In healthy relationships, both partners should be open to each other’s opinions, perspectives, and feelings. A man who rejects influence may:
Always need to be right in arguments, never considering your point of view.
Dismiss your concerns or belittle your feelings when conflicts arise.
Struggle with compromise, insisting that things always go his way.
According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, men who accept influence from their partners have stronger, more successful relationships. Why? Because they view their partner as an equal, not as someone to dominate or control.
Other Red Flags That Shouldn't Be Ignored
🚩 Lack of Emotional Availability – He keeps you at arm’s length, avoids deep conversations, or struggles to express feelings.🚩 Inconsistent Actions vs. Words – He talks about commitment but doesn't back it up with action.
🚩 History of Badmouthing Exes – If every ex is "crazy" or "toxic," he may be the real problem.
🚩 Controlling Behavior – He subtly (or overtly) tries to control what you wear, who you spend time with, or how you express yourself.
What to Do If You Spot Red Flags
Trust Your Gut – If something feels off, don't ignore it.
Set Boundaries – Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate.
Observe Patterns – One bad moment can be forgiven, but consistent behavior patterns tell the real story.
Walk Away If Necessary – It’s better to leave a problematic relationship early than to invest in someone who refuses to grow.
The key to healthy love is mutual respect, open communication, and emotional security. If a man isn’t willing to accept influence or grow alongside you, he may not be the right partner for a fulfilling relationship.
Final Thoughts
Love languages and red flags are two sides of the same coin—one helps build a strong relationship, while the other helps you avoid a bad one. When you’re dating or in a relationship, take the time to understand how love is given and received while also staying mindful of warning signs that could lead to emotional distress.
